Self Service and Ghosting

Ah April. Spring is here and self-preservation is back in business full time. Here’s one thing that really stung to learn while I was away:

  1. Humans are ultimately self-serving. Each and every time, they will choose themselves over you. Deal with it.

This goes along with the “No one is obligated to help you for free” lesson.  Just because you’re a nice person, doesn’t mean that anyone will do anything for you – for any reason. That “do it out of the kindness of the heart” thing is false. There is some kind of mental, physical, financial or energetic reward for doing anything. It’s how humans are hardwired.

Let’s say that you have to move and you need help.  You can ask for “free” help from all of your friends. Only those who get a mental reward from helping people in need will show up.

Yes, that’s a depressingly small number.

Let’s say you offer free pizza and drinks? You may get the same about of people. It is what it is. This is where it gets frustrating. Cuz sometimes you get the  complainers… UGH

Oh it’s gets worse.

Let’s say that you know that few people are going to help and  you just do it yourself or hire out the work. Job’s done and you’re moving on with your live (and all  your stuff).  Inevitably, there is going to be someone who pipes up and says “Oh you should have called me!”

BREATHE THROUGH IT AND IGNORE THEM.

Put on your best Southern smile and say something trite like “Oh I didn’t want to bother you!” Why? Because you knew they wouldn’t show up anyway. These are the folks that get enjoyment from simply appearing to be helpful. We all know they aren’t.

Yet, that’s not the full extent of the self-serving thing I want to talk about. It gets heartbreaking from here on out.  Not sorry.

There are times where you have to drop projects, break promises and just plain flake out and drop off the face of the earth to preserve your sanity and life.  I’ve done it too many times to count. Each time was necessary and painful. I was over extended in energy, funds, time and f-cks  in general to be Supah Terrie.  So I had to bail. This wasn’t my best choice in actions. It was the only one.

That’s right. I was on my way to mental /nervous breakdown number five (fine number seven). I wasn’t sure that I would make it back from there. So I had to bounce and hide.  I’m not proud of this. I’ve lost good friends, three careers, many freelance opportunities, and money on the table.

OH MY GODS THE MONEY. (breathes in to a paper bag)

Yet, it’s what I had to do to survive. I had to be selfish with my time, energy, funds and and f-cks  in general.  Why? Because I know others are self-serving as well. They will take as much energy, time  funds, etc for FREE as you give them. It’s less work for them because they are selfish and want my time, energy, funds and f-cks  in general.

It’s how humans are! I had to remember all of this and still have to remember all of this when people disappear out of my life for whatever reasons they have.  It’s *probably* not my fault. They could just be overwhelmed in life and have to bounce to survive.  There are times when it’s most likely my fault. I can be a high maintenance friend when I’m overwhelmed – which was most of the time in the past forty odd years. Thank you ADHD and my sincerest apologies to my parents, siblings and long suffering husband.

 

Here’s the crux. This is something we have to deal with in this life. We like to trot out the maxims of “Everyone is fighting something” and “Be kind” and that’s great. Yet….

I can’t help but wonder if we all realize the extent of that fight.  Do we really know how our friends are doing? OR are we relying on the false ease granted by social media. If their FB status says they are fine, they must be….. right? That last picture of that friend sure looks happy, so they must be… right?

Not always. We’re back to self-preservation. It’s far easier to fake being happy to keep people out of your business and life while you deal with putting out the fires.

So I ask you this, what mental reward would you get for checking on your friends face to face? Would having that friend in your life keep your own from getting crazy, thus fueling the cycle of self-preservation? Or are you keeping everyone you know at arm’s length because they only want to use you to help themselves? Ghosting isn’t just for dating anymore.

 

It’s a tough call. I don’t have all the answers.

What I do have are people in my life that see through the smiling photos and check on my face to face.  I do the same for them. We help each other through the self-preservation cycles.

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TANSTAAFL

TANSTAAFL ~ There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch

Here we are, back to the things I’ve learned while away from the blog.

  1. No one is under any obligation to help you out of any situation or teach you skills for free.

That’s right. There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.

The internet, books from the library, shared skills – none of it is free.  Google gets money from ads.  Facebook is reading your posts and using the information for their marketing engines. The library is subsidized by the province.  You pay taxes to the province. See where we’re going? Even if you share your skills, there should be something you are getting out it. If there isn’t? You’re headed for burnout and feeling unappreciated. All the Reiki people will tell you that when you give a service, there should be an energetic exchange of some kind. The easiest “exchange” is money.

This isn’t spiritual. This is human economics. Don’t believe me? This is from 

3. Production has costs

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Getting something apparently gratis only means that some other person pays for it. Behind every welfare check and each research grant lies the tax money of real people. While the taxpayers see that government confiscates part of one’s personal income, they do not know to whom this money goes; and while the recipients of government expenditures see the government handing the money to them, they do not know from whom the government has taken away this money.

What does this mean when it comes to the spiritual workers? Don’t get mad when your “I just want to ask you a question” is met with “You can book an appointment or consultation for $25.” Before ya’ll get your knickers in a twist, here’s the reason why:

Spiritual workers spend YEARS honing their crafts. In money terms, that means tens of thousands of dollars spent on research, supplies, courses, books and the like. Most spiritual workers still have “day jobs.” So all the money they could be putting towards retirement? They spent studying.

Spiritual workers are usually in the throes of “shaman sickness” because they are giving too much of their work away for free. So that “one question” you have ( that turns into a dissertation) means they now can’t afford to feed themselves right, take time off or get their own medications.

(For those who are wondering, if you’re feeling ashamed, that’s not my intent. That’s a perk of the information. You’re welcome.)

So let’s say that some Spiritual Worker is generous and gives you their time and information. GET THEM SOMETHING IN RETURN. Buy them coffee or lunch. Brag about them to your friends. Post a good review. Carry their bags. Help them set up or break down at events.

Hey, I hear the cheap white light people in the back saying “It’s a gods given gift! You should do it for free!” Hey, guess what? No service in any Christian service I’ve seen is free. It’s paid for by parishioners and congregations. Not even Jesus did things for free. He (apparently) paid for everything with his LIFE.

Now to be fair, I know some of ya’ll are broke or just making ends meet. Still, no free lunch. Do the homework known as the energy exercises I keep asking after. For myself, if I know you’re doing the work, I’ll see results. This is a form a payment. You are learning the skills taught and using them to make your life better. I’ll take it. But ya gotta do the dang work!

So you don’t want to do the energy work? Fine. Everything else is going to be infinitely harder and the magic costs will be greater. No money? STILL NO FREE LUNCH. Get to working for your spiritual worker. Run errands, share their posts, and do all you can in lieu of money to show your worker that you value what they do.

And if you don’t want to do any of those things? Wellll. don’t be surprised when…..

PS.

DON”T ASK FOR COUPONS. To do so means you don’t value the actual product, you’re just cheap.

 

Playa & Game

As promised, here we go in depth for the things I’ve learned in the past few years. The first hurts the worst. Let’s rip the bandage off fast, yeah?

1. Unlearn the modern hip maxim “don’t hate the playa, hate the game.” Don’t bother hating unless you’re going to use that energy to get things done.

For those in the hip hop and subsequently hipster scene, ya’ll know this one. The translation is something like “all is fair in love and war” or “this is just business.” And it’s true. Not sorry. In the society we live it, we have a system. Sure, it’s broken. That’s the way it is.

 

For those are “spiritual,” you’ll run afoul of this system every damn day. Yup. Life ain’t fair. No country is perfect. Shit happens. Spells don’t seem to work, etc., ad nauseum. However, you don’t have to get used to it. Let’s talk about hate or rather getting angry that you can’t get what you want.

Emotions are energy. Read it again. Read it out loud. EMOTIONS ARE ENERGY.

You pay that spiritual hydro/energy bill in motivation and time. This is the same energy as love, happiness, success, power, desire, determination and the like. This is the stuff that gets you through bad times, and gives you a second wind when you got nothing left. The longer you spend any anger, hate, envy, and jealousy type emotions on a problem, person or situation? You are wasting precious energy that you can’t get back.

For those who have objections, depression and sadness are a whole other blog post. Bear with me.

So something went down in your life. Your spell didn’t seem to work. Someone sniped your EBay bidding war. Gossiping harpies got you fired from work. Insert the hate, anger, and frustration. You feel it. It’s vibrating under your skin. You can’t get that thing you spelled for (right now). The EBay listing was one of kind. The work harpies all got raises after you left. What good is your hate going to do?

My Chaos Magician friends and Alchemists will tell you to process that emotion. Break it down until the hate, anger, and frustration are in their purest form, which is simple energy. Now use it as fuel. Cast a new spell. Manifest that EBay listing for an item that is the same or better. Let the work harpies ruin their own lives while you move on to bigger and better things. Those who taunt you, throw curses at you, mock you and your failures, are simply trying to manipulate you. If you use all your energy getting mad? You can’t get even or ahead now can you?

Yeah it’s like that.

Now, this all sounds super easy in a blog post. It’s not. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. Know what? It’s also worth it. It’s worth every night of crying. It’s worth every bitten tongue when your failures are thrown in your face. It’s worth every second of meditation. Why? Once you’re done? You know every “playa.” You know what they are going to do and how they are going to do it. You will own the “game.” Sure, you’ll seem like a cold hearted ass at times. Yet it’s worth it.

It’s worth the hard work when you see the work harpies in the same position you left them years ago, while you’ve progressed and surpassed them. It’s worth the work to not only get a higher quality item from Ebay and to get it cheaper. It’s worth the work when you rework your spell and remove all the blockages to get more than you asked for AND have the original spell finally work.

Noli pati a scelestis opprimi

Don’t let the bastards grind you down

Palmam qui meruit ferat

Learn it and Earn it

Nihil boni sine labore

Nothing is earned without hard work

Laborare

GRIND!

 

The Blog Is Back

The Blog Is Back

After a year and a half, I’m back. Things got bad. Then things got real bad. Then things got weird.

That’s when I got angry and sh-t got real.

 The rest of the backstory is boring. Let’s skip it for now. Let’s focus on when I got mad and things started happening. Since summer 2016, I learned a lot of things. There’s no divisive line of good or bad in those things. Just the truth I found for myself.  Funny thing is? When I spoke those truths, when I acted on those truths… Life changed for me.  Here are a few things I learned. I’ll go into depth in future posts.
1. Unlearn the modern hip maxim “don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”  Don’t bother hating unless you’re going to use that energy to get things done.
2. No one is under any obligation to help you out of any situation or teach you skills for free. #NotSorry
3. Humans are ultimately self serving. Each and every time, they will choose themselves over you. Deal with it.
4. When things go wrong, go back to the basics. Remember one of the lines in the Princess Bride: when things go wrong go back to the beginning.
5. There are no shortcuts to success or enlightenment.  #StillNotSorry
6. You will make mistakes. Once you’re done beating yourself up, go back to the number 4 entry.
7. It’s not your job to fix anyone else. Give them all the tools and encouragement… And walk away.
8. Your job is to fix you. If others learn from your example, great. If not? Move along.
9. The advice about hanging around successful people only works if you all have similar goals and you actually learn from the others and do the work.
10. You can’t be a spiritual leader in a vacuum. No tribe? No flock? No f-cks given by the gods.
11.  Whatever title you choose, unless your prayers or magick gets reliable results? You are wasting your time.
12. Drama will always go down. Mind your business and let it go down.
 Oh yeah, y’all. It’s gonna be like that. Happy New Year
Rev. Terrie

Moving on ~ Show me the Magick

Yes. I haven’t updated since May. Why? Life changes. People change. Spiritual practices change – whether we are paying attention or not.

I discovered a thing. My personal patron gods? They don’t give a crap about devotion, altars or offerings.   What do they want? For me to do some goddamn magic

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And that’s pretty much how it happened. Once I stopped trying to be a witch/magician/whatever – and just did the damn thing? Well, life got interesting and I stopped posting. It’s kinda hard to write a slice of life piece when you have three major spiritual experiences in one day.

By the way, if the Goddess Bridget even talks to you, even if it’s snark? You are truly blessed.

I have to hand it to Taylor Ellwood, his book Pop Culture Magick and his Facebook group with the same name. Why? Because I struggled for years with self doubt. I thought I wasn’t a real “witch” unless I understood how things were done “back in the day.”

Not anymore.

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Yeah, that’s what it was like that first few weeks. Now I don’t pat myself on the back. I don’t look to get my photo taken. I don’t make the “Look at my magic work!” posts (Unless it’s for business). I’m too busy showing the gods that I am not wasting my talents.

showmethemagic

What about you? What magic are you making? What are you showing the gods? Me? I got work to do.